After so many days.. I felt that numbness again.. the numbness of your brain.. its that feeling when you don't want to feel anything..
Today a new realization, about me, dawned upon me.. in short I had one of those moments of 'self-realization', not the spiritual kinds, just when you come face to face to your own self..
Well, after that.. you go into that do-not touch me mode i.e. the numbness feeling.. and then things start connecting, and you realize how deep rooted your feelings were.. and you knew your very desire since the beginning, as all your dreams were those desires.. and how ironically, its someone else's words which make you realize that..
Then the worst part.. you start judging those desires, and I wonder why do we have to classify everything into 'Right' or 'Wrong'?! Why can't there be a classification like.. "Nothing"!! Or "Just another thing" or "Anything"!!!
Then the next bad part follows, the guilt trips, yeah I know they are terrible too.. but well.. you feel guilty of not fulfilling your desires and betraying them, and then you feel guilty of being weak and giving in to your desire of fulfilling your desires.. ah.. I know its complicated I hate it too.. so lets leave it at that..
And then you write a blog to pour out your confusion, which results in confusing others.. nevertheless, you feel light.. you smile and carry on with your day! Feeling numb again?!
6 comments:
Hi Shwetha, It`s a long long time, since I dropped in. My apologies for that. Awesome template you have.. Keep the stories flowing in.
Numbness to realization to desires, guilt and numbness again. Overall, the best part is that you blogged about it..! :)
Have Fun, Take Care and God Bless!
With Best Regards,
Srijith.
:)
Let the desires go. It will end all sufferings.
Its a cycle. Cycle of desires, achievement (or not), jubilation on achieving (or sadness for not achieving). You go up ...... you come down. You are happy and then same thing seems so incomplete....so empty!
Why?
Because all the while you were looking outside of yourself - in things, in situations, in people.
Its in the nature of things (or situations or people) to let you down.
Why?
Because you have expectations from them. Desires. They scream "Complete me"!
Only if you realize you are already Complete.
Amazing, isnt it.
Let me quote. Dont remember who said
"We all sit in a circle and suppose whereas it resides in us and knows"!
Good Luck on this journey.
The template is very serene, loved it............bout the guilt and redemption of desires......its is a phase which comes and goes....it has to, otherwise we wudnt experience happiness ever.........but nice to read it out
i hope not - but sounds like you are having some complications - may the force be with you. take care.
ps. nice template - have not been able to visit you in a long while..
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