After so many days.. I felt that numbness again.. the numbness of your brain.. its that feeling when you don't want to feel anything..
Today a new realization, about me, dawned upon me.. in short I had one of those moments of 'self-realization', not the spiritual kinds, just when you come face to face to your own self..
Well, after that.. you go into that do-not touch me mode i.e. the numbness feeling.. and then things start connecting, and you realize how deep rooted your feelings were.. and you knew your very desire since the beginning, as all your dreams were those desires.. and how ironically, its someone else's words which make you realize that..
Then the worst part.. you start judging those desires, and I wonder why do we have to classify everything into 'Right' or 'Wrong'?! Why can't there be a classification like.. "Nothing"!! Or "Just another thing" or "Anything"!!!
Then the next bad part follows, the guilt trips, yeah I know they are terrible too.. but well.. you feel guilty of not fulfilling your desires and betraying them, and then you feel guilty of being weak and giving in to your desire of fulfilling your desires.. ah.. I know its complicated I hate it too.. so lets leave it at that..
And then you write a blog to pour out your confusion, which results in confusing others.. nevertheless, you feel light.. you smile and carry on with your day! Feeling numb again?!