Wednesday, October 01, 2008

An inspiration..
A holiday finally cleared my mind, as I lay on my bed, besides my mother. I couldn't stop my mind from wandering. I felt empty as work had taken up most of my last 3 months, I was drained physically & mentally. I turned in my bed, as cool breeze blew over my face, I looked at the shadow of a plant on the wall, casted by a construction site's halogen bulb. I had this sudden urge of reading, reading the blog of Rahul Pandita - Sanity Sucks. My mind races, sensing my mother still awake, I tell her about Rahul. 
"Maa, you know I read a blog written by a journalist. You won't remember his name, but during the Kargil war he would often report live from Kashmir. In one of his blogs I read how he is helping the mothers of Eastern India, where children often fall prey to drug abuse. Rahul decided to help these women, and he had a friend back in Delhi, who was good at making caricatures. They decided to start publishing comic strips to raise awareness and help in this movement. He gave up his job of journalism, and is now writing a book."
My mother asked, "What about the women? Did the movement help?"
I said, "Yes, it did."
I wondered, its been quite sometime since I read that story of his. I wondered whether I even remembered the facts clearly.
My mind raced back, almost 5-6 years back, I don't recollect completely. I had just entered home from college I threw my bag, and watched the TV as I sat munching on the dining table. A news report from Kargil was being telecast live, a name in white flashed on a strip of red at the bottom - Rahul Pandita, and a voice said, "... with cameraman ... reporting live from Kargil ... Rahul Pandita". I smiled, picked up my phone and called up my friend, Avinash Pandita, a Kashmiri, his best friend's name was Rahul Koul. I asked him, "Do you know any reporter called Rahul Pandita?" He said "No." Of course, it was this co-incidence that I could never forget Rahul Pandita's name. I happened to tell both Rahul and Avinash the next day in college about the reporter on Zee News (or was it Star News I don't remember now) named 'Rahul Pandita'.

Years later, I had started to blog, and had started to read many blogs. One day, while browsing through the list of one of the blogger Jugal, whose blogs I used to frequent often, I stumbled upon an interesting blog, where Jugal was a contributor and there were innumerable other contributors too. But, my eyes caught one particular name, 'Rahul Pandita'. My heart raced, and I wondered is he the same Rahul Pandita?!

A young boy in his twenties, wearing sun  glasses sitting on a low compound wall, that was his profile picture. That was the first time I saw him, I don't remember him from any of his news telecasts. But the white name on the red strip, flashed in front of my eyes again. At that time I had thought Rahul would be a man, in his late thirties or early forties, with a thick moustache, reporting from Kargil. But I was quite taken aback when I saw this picture of his.

I then clicked on his profile, and read that he was writing a book and thought, wow how cool is that! There were 3 blogs in his profile, the second one was where I had found him, where he contributed along with Jugal. The 3rd one caught my eye, it read, 'Sanity Sucks'.

I clicked on it, the background was an image, from a village, it was the picture of a brick wall of a house. It had a small closed window, which had a steel glass kept on it. I liked the picture, it reminded me of my granny's village. I read his posts, most of them, I barely worked for two days in office. I only read his blogs, and talked about his blogs during lunches and coffee breaks.

Read blogs about him in Delhi, about several other things, refugee camps, Abshaar, tomatoes. I discussed his blog with my Kashmiri friends on lunch the following Sunday. Of course my friends were younger than Rahul and didn't remember much about refugee camps. However, Rahul Koul, my friend, did narrate his adventure about their leaving Srinagar and moving to Udhampur. Vinay Raina too remembered, how sad he felt leaving his cricket bat back home, which he never got again. I proudly told Ashu, I learnt a new Kashmiri word - Abshaar. A song from the movie Yahan echoed in my head - Urzu Urzu durkut ... I pictured Rahul Pandita, sitting in Abshaar, as a guest in his own home.

I would often read his posts, I used to love reading them before going to bed. They always made me think, they made me think a lot. I purposely skipped most of his posts, they were real, they were true, truth so bare I knew I couldn't bear.

I turn again in my bed and my mind wanders again, I picture my self in a book store in Delhi. Its the launch of Rahul's book, I buy a book and move towards him, he doesn't look like that boy in his profile picture now, the sun glasses have been replaced with a pair of spectacles. I see the resemblance to his current profile picture. I hand my book over to him, he autographs it and smiles. I smile back, thousands of thoughts race in my mind, I wonder should I tell him that I read his blogs. I pick the book, and start walking away, I reach the exit and I turn back and look at him signing other books. I want to open the book and look at his autograph, but my mind cannot imagine his autograph, it draws a blank page and I like to leave it that way. I clutch the closed book, in my hands and walk out from the exit door.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I complained that traveling for 40kms each side to my office, never left me with enough time to blog. I would leave my home at 8am in the morning and would not reach earlier than 8:30pm often. I would normally sleep in the bus, which was a good way to spend the 4hours of travel. However, today I thought as I haven’t been giving myself the creative freedom that my restless mind deserved, I decided to put my mind to work and blog while my back aches during this journey.

 

I had to write about many things, a year back I was to write about our short vacation, to my birthplace followed by little adventures I had in Ujjain, Dewas & Indore. But I never got myself to writing it. Now, I wait to write about my Australia travel, a 15 day official visit to Gold Coast.

 

One thing I cannot get myself to write about is a trip, the reason is that, my mind starts to race and it floods with multiple thoughts and feelings. To top it being a software engineer, I feel laziness is not a bad habit it’s just my birth-right and it’s morally correct to be lazy.

 

Yawn! We are stuck in a jam, and my bus is crawling and I am getting distracted, a couple of guys are watching Phoonk on the seat right behind me. I hate horror movies, although I find them thrilling and I enjoy them.

 

I don’t mind confessing, that I couldn’t sleep alone at night. I needed someone at least in the house if not in the same room. I have always stayed with my parents and only for couple of years I was in a boarding school where almost 40 girls slept in the dormitory.

 

Well, the Australia trip at least taught me to sleep alone, in a room all by myself, and I am proud of it, and my bus still crawls, I assume the clock will strike 9pm today; I have a gut feeling we are going to set a record ;)

 

 Its festival season in Maharashtra, with the 6th day of Ganpati festival, we do expect a lot traffic because of the celebrations. On second thoughts I want to close this laptop and watch the colourful pandals erected outside :D and I succumb to the temptation. J

 

Bye..

 

Oh damn! Looks like I missed the major pandals on the road, now we will hit the highway and I don’t reckon we will see a lot of them there, and also I need to get my mind onto something, the sounds of the horror movie behind makes me feel creepy!!

 

P.S: I am watching Horton hears a Who!! :)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Wow.. blogging after a long long time.. and was quite taken aback with the new look of blogger..
anyways.. lots to write .. tonnes to share.. in this period I saw some of the worst and some of the best days of my life.. I don't know where to start.. a pathetic team at office .. my mother suddenly taking ill at midnight or the awesome Australia trip which followed..
I guess I will keep the posts to the Australia trip... that will keep everyone interested..
P.S: I feel great coming to blogger.. :) Thanks Blogger.. I thought I would need psychiatric help without you.. ;) ok.. thats getting senti .. lemme get back to my post.. and the ones which will follow..
Australia Trip - 3rd Aug to 16th Aug
Gold Coast, Southport, Queensland, Australia
Holiday Inn - A room on 7th Floor
Winter in Australia - 4 deg C to 14 deg C with strong winds

There is so much to write.. I guess I will put each day one at a time..
In short.. this trip taught me a lot .. I grew and learned a lot as a person .. this was my first trip alone, abroad, to a place so far. Yea! I was a boarding school student in 5th n 6th std .. didn't understand much and never was away from home after that.

I don't want your expectations to be soaring, this trip had its own adventures but don't expect adventures which you may find in a Batman comic or a Tin-Tin comic!

So watch out for the forthcoming posts and some great pics to follow!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

After so many days.. I felt that numbness again.. the numbness of your brain.. its that feeling when you don't want to feel anything..
Today a new realization, about me, dawned upon me.. in short I had one of those moments of 'self-realization', not the spiritual kinds, just when you come face to face to your own self..
Well, after that.. you go into that do-not touch me mode i.e. the numbness feeling.. and then things start connecting, and you realize how deep rooted your feelings were.. and you knew your very desire since the beginning, as all your dreams were those desires.. and how ironically, its someone else's words which make you realize that..
Then the worst part.. you start judging those desires, and I wonder why do we have to classify everything into 'Right' or 'Wrong'?! Why can't there be a classification like.. "Nothing"!! Or "Just another thing" or "Anything"!!!
Then the next bad part follows, the guilt trips, yeah I know they are terrible too.. but well.. you feel guilty of not fulfilling your desires and betraying them, and then you feel guilty of being weak and giving in to your desire of fulfilling your desires.. ah.. I know its complicated I hate it too.. so lets leave it at that..
And then you write a blog to pour out your confusion, which results in confusing others.. nevertheless, you feel light.. you smile and carry on with your day! Feeling numb again?!